My Child Wants to Live With Me Instead of My Ex—Can We Change Custody?

In Tennessee, who your child wants to live with matters in child custody cases, but it’s not the deciding factor. The court’s job is to look at the best interest of the child, not just preference. That includes the existing custody agreement, how each custodial parent is doing, and whether there has been a meaningful change in circumstances.

If there’s a good reason to pursue a change, the next step is usually to file a motion asking the court to review the current child custody order. Like most matters in family law, it helps to have clear, grounded legal advice before taking that step.

What It Takes to Change Custody in Tennessee

We talk to a lot of parents who want to modify their child custody order, and we get it—situations change, kids grow, and sometimes the original arrangement just doesn’t fit anymore. But in Tennessee, the court won’t approve a custody change just because things feel different or your child says they want to live with you.

Before the court will even consider it, two things have to be in place:

• There’s been a substantial change in circumstances since the current custody order was entered
• The change would clearly serve the best interest of the child

This standard exists to keep things steady for the child and to make sure any shift in custody is really necessary, not just based on a disagreement or short-term frustration.

What Counts as a Substantial Change?

We’re often asked, “Is it enough that my child wants to live with me now?” And the truth is—probably not. Tennessee courts usually need to see more than just a child’s request. A real change in custody typically requires something more significant.

Here are a few examples that might qualify as a substantial change in circumstances:

• The custodial parent’s living situation has taken a serious downturn
• One parent relocates in a way that disrupts the current custody arrangement
• A work schedule change makes it harder for a parent to care for the child
• The child is struggling at school or showing ongoing behavior issues
• There are concerns about neglect, substance use, or an unsafe home environment

The court’s goal is to protect children from bouncing back and forth unless there’s a clear, meaningful reason to reopen the case.

The Child’s Best Interest Always Comes First

Even when there’s a real shift in circumstances, the court still won’t sign off on a custody change unless it’s clear the new arrangement is better for the child. That’s the heart of every decision—what truly serves the best interest of the child.

Judges look at a wide range of factors, including:

• Whether each parent can meet the child’s everyday and long-term needs
• How stable and consistent each home is
• Each parent’s track record with parenting responsibilities
• The child’s relationship with siblings, extended family, and others in their life
• How the child is adjusting at home, in school, and in their community
• Any history of physical or emotional abuse
• The influence of others living in each household
• And for kids 12 and up, their reasonable preference is taken seriously

Younger children can still have a voice, but their wishes usually don’t carry as much weight.

The Legal Process to Modify Custody in Tennessee

If things have changed—and you believe it’s truly in your child’s best interest to update your custody arrangement—there’s a legal process to follow. It starts with a formal step:

Step 1: Filing a Motion to Change Custody

You’ll need to file a motion with the same court that issued your original custody order. That paperwork needs to spell out:

• What’s changed since the last order—something the court would see as a substantial change in circumstances
• Why changing the current arrangement would better serve the best interest of the child
• What exactly you’re asking the court to modify—whether that’s physical custody, legal custody, or your parenting time schedule

This step is what gets the ball rolling. Without it, the court won’t even consider reopening the case.

Step 2: Temporary Custody Orders

Sometimes, a custody case can’t wait for the full process to play out. If a child’s well-being is at risk or there’s a major disruption at home, the court may step in with a temporary order.

This might happen when:

• There are serious concerns about the child’s current environment
• The court wants to try a short-term change to see how it works
• An emergency situation calls for immediate action to keep the child safe

These temporary custody arrangements aren’t final, but they can set the tone for what’s to come, especially if the trial period shows a more stable setup.

Step 3: Mediation Before a Hearing

Before heading into a courtroom battle, most Tennessee courts require both parents to try mediation first. It’s a chance to talk things through and see if there’s a way to adjust the custody agreement without a full hearing.

When a child’s preferences make sense and both parents are open to finding common ground, mediation can lead to a workable plan, without the stress and cost of litigation. And in many family law cases, that’s the outcome everyone hopes for.

Step 4: Custody Evaluations in Complex Cases

In more complicated custody cases, the court may bring in a professional to help sort things out. This is called a custody evaluation, and it’s usually handled by a mental health expert trained to assess family dynamics.

The process can include:

• One-on-one interviews with each parent
• Observing how the child interacts with each parent
• Age-appropriate conversations with the child
• A review of school, medical, or other important records
• A closer look at both home environments

Once the evaluation is done, the evaluator shares a report with the court, and in many cases, those recommendations carry a lot of weight when it comes time to make a final decision.

Step 5: The Final Hearing

If mediation doesn’t work out, the court will set a hearing date. This is where both parents get the chance to present evidence about:

• What substantial change in circumstances has occurred
• Why a new arrangement supports the best interest of the child
• What kind of updates they’re asking for—whether that’s to legal custody, physical custody, or parenting time

After reviewing everything, the judge decides whether the facts support changing the current custody order. It’s the final step in a process that’s designed to keep the child’s well-being at the center of it all.

What to Do When Your Child Wants to Change Custody

When a child expresses a preference to live with one parent, it can bring up strong emotions and important legal questions.

At the Law Office of Sam Byrd, we’ve helped many Chattanooga families work through this sensitive situation with clarity and care. We’ll look at the circumstances, explain how courts typically weigh a child’s preference, and help you decide on the right path forward.

Whether that preference alone could justify a change or it’s just one piece of a larger story, we’re here to support you with honest guidance and a focus on what’s best for your child.