7 Things Most Divorcees WISH They Put in Their Parenting Plan

Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. As a family law attorney, I’ve seen countless clients struggle with the challenges of co-parenting after a split. One of the most critical aspects of navigating this new reality is creating a comprehensive parenting plan that covers all the bases. However, many divorcing parents overlook key provisions that can lead to conflict and confusion down the road.

That’s why I’ve put together this list of seven things most divorcees wish they had included in their parenting plans. By addressing these issues upfront, you can save yourself a lot of headaches and ensure that your children’s best interests remain at the forefront.

1. Right of First Refusal — Giving Your Co-Parent Priority

The right of first refusal is a clause that requires each parent to offer the other parent the opportunity to care for the children before seeking outside childcare. So, if you need someone to watch the kids while you’re at work or running errands, you must first ask your co-parent if they’re available.

Including this provision in your parenting plan can help foster a stronger co-parenting relationship and minimize childcare costs. It shows that you value your co-parent’s role in your children’s lives and trust them to step up when needed. Plus, it ensures that your children spend as much time as possible with their parents rather than with babysitters or other caregivers.

2. Detailed Vacation and Holiday Schedules

Vacations and holidays can be a major source of tension for divorced parents, especially if the parenting plan doesn’t clearly outline how this time will be divided. To avoid last-minute arguments and disappointment, it’s crucial to include a detailed schedule that covers all major holidays, school breaks, and summer vacations.

Consider alternating holidays each year so that both parents get to spend quality time with the children. For example, one parent might have the kids for Thanksgiving in odd-numbered years, while the other parent gets them in even-numbered years. The same can apply to winter and spring breaks, as well as extended summer vacations.

It’s also essential to address travel notifications and restrictions in your parenting plan. How much advance notice should parents provide before taking the children out of town? Are there any limitations on where the children can travel or for how long? Hammering out these details now can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later.

3. Introducing New Partners & Setting Boundaries

Introducing a new romantic partner to your children can be a sensitive subject, especially if the divorce is still fresh. To minimize stress and confusion for your kids, it’s wise to establish guidelines for these introductions in your parenting plan.

Some parents might agree to wait a certain amount of time before introducing a new partner to the children, while others might set boundaries around overnight stays or cohabitation. The goal is to ensure that your children have time to adjust to the divorce and that any new relationships are introduced gradually and thoughtfully.

Remember, your children’s emotional well-being should always come first. By setting clear boundaries and expectations around new partners, you can help your kids feel secure and supported during this transitional time.

4. Decision-Making Authority: Clarity on Major Issues

Legal custody, which is distinct from physical custody, refers to a parent’s right to make major decisions on behalf of their children. These decisions typically include matters related to education, healthcare, and religious upbringing.

In Tennessee, courts often award joint legal custody, meaning that both parents have an equal say in these critical choices (TN Code § 36-6-101). However, it’s still important to specify in your parenting plan which areas will be subject to joint decision-making and how you’ll handle any disagreements that may arise.

For example, you might agree to make educational decisions together but give one parent final authority over medical issues. Or, you might outline a dispute resolution process that involves mediation or arbitration before going to court. By clarifying these decision-making roles and responsibilities upfront, you can avoid a lot of headaches and legal battles down the road.

5. Extracurricular Activities: Supporting Your Child’s Interests

Extracurricular activities can be an essential part of a child’s development, but they can also be a financial and logistical challenge for divorced parents. To ensure that your child can continue pursuing their passions without added stress, it’s crucial to address these activities in your parenting plan.

First, determine how you’ll divide the costs associated with extracurriculars, such as registration fees, equipment, and travel expenses. Will you split these costs equally, or will each parent be responsible for the activities that fall during their parenting time?

Next, make sure that both parents have access to activity schedules and events. This might involve using a shared calendar or email system to keep everyone informed and on the same page. By working together to support your child’s interests, you can demonstrate that their well-being remains your top priority, even after the divorce.

6. Flexibility and Modifications: Planning for Change

Life is unpredictable, and what works for your family today may not work in a few years. That’s why it’s essential to build flexibility into your parenting plan and to acknowledge that modifications may be necessary as your children grow and your circumstances evolve.

Consider including provisions for periodic plan reviews, such as every two or three years, to assess whether the current arrangement still meets your family’s needs. You might also specify a process for making minor tweaks to the schedule without going back to court, such as allowing for occasional swaps or makeup time if one parent has a work conflict or family emergency.

The key is to approach these changes with an open mind and a willingness to communicate and compromise. By prioritizing your children’s best interests and maintaining a cordial co-parenting relationship, you can adapt to whatever challenges come your way.

7. Communication Guidelines: Setting Expectations

Clear communication is key to effective co-parenting. To create a framework for positive, productive interactions, your parenting plan should include the following communication guidelines:

1. Establish preferred methods of contact: Specify whether you’ll primarily use email, text, phone calls, or a combination of these methods to share information and updates.
2. Set boundaries around appropriate topics and tone: Focus on child-related issues and maintain a respectful, business-like tone, even in difficult conversations. Avoid discussing personal matters or engaging in negative comments or accusations.
3. Use a shared platform for important information: Consider using a co-parenting app, shared calendar, or designated email address to keep both parents informed about school events, medical appointments, extracurricular activities, and other essential details.

By laying out these expectations in your parenting plan, you can minimize misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and ensure that your children’s needs remain the top priority as you navigate this new chapter of co-parenting.

Creating a Parenting Plan? We’re Here to Help.

At the Law Office of Sam Byrd, we understand the challenges of creating a comprehensive parenting plan that stands the test of time. Our family law attorneys are here to guide you through every step of the process, from negotiating key provisions to drafting a legally sound agreement.

If you’re considering divorce or need help modifying an existing parenting plan, we invite you to reach out to our office for personalized guidance. Together, we can create a plan that prioritizes your children’s well-being and sets your family up for long-term success.

Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a brighter future for you and your kids.